Recently I have been very, very sad. Not sad in the way that I would listen to S-Club 7 or watch Neighbours but upset sad. My doggy, Phoebe, she had got beaten up by another dog which looked just like her. We were just minding our own business in the park, running around playing ball games, no pun intended, and this other dog just ran over and jumped on her back and started to maul her. I tried to split them up but they were practically tangled together, Phoebe tried to go one way and the other dog tried to go the other way.

Eventually after a while we were able to get away and we ran off and hid in my Mums garden. Phoebe didn’t look to be injured and I thought we had a lucky escape. A few weeks later though I noticed she had gotten fat, really fat, and I felt sad. I thought she was going to die because that nasty dog which looks just like her had injured her somehow. Phoebe had started to act quite naughty, she kept stealing my pajamas and ripping them up and making them into a bed. My Mum got very angry because she kept having to buy me new pajamas, then she said she wouldn’t buy me anymore and I had to wear my Mums old ones and they made me look like a real div, especailly when all my friends came around to sleep over wearing their cool Lion King and Spiderman pajamas. It is quite upsetting as you can imagine.

Well the other night it all came to a climax, Phoebe looked like she was dying. She was just lying there making funny noises and then her guts started to come out of her bum. I man-cried and prayed for her safety and then a miracle happened. Baby dogs started to fall out of her, they were all slimey and gooey. I was quiet excited at first until I realized they were all crippled because none of them had eyes and they wouldn’t move anywhere.

When Dr. Lintott came round, he is a vet, he told me that everything was quite alright and Phoebe would be fine and that I shouldn’t touch the puppies for a few days and I should make sure Phoebe was well looked after. I nursed her for a few days and she seemed much better, she was running around and happy as I am after a bowl of coco-pops. He told me it was OK to touch the puppies now, but not for too long and I was not allowed to have them sleep in my bed because they were not toys. Not that I sleep in bed with toys, a real man, such as myself, has them all stacked neatly on the floor and needs room in bed to fidget.