I thought I should get a few nuggets of Gold in for when the economy crashes again so I went snooping around. I remember reading somewhere that gold can be dug out of the ground where rabbits leave it and also in the most unexpected of places. I figured my Mums garden lawn would probably be filled with gold since

A) We have a lot of rabbits in the garden
B) It would be totally unexpected

I didn't bother using a metal detector, I felt lucky. I dug for seven hours and the hole I made was so big I couldn't get so I hard to mark my territory in the hole, if you catch my drift. It started to rain and I felt a cold coming on as I scurried around in the hole trying to find some gold or a way out. I managed to claw my way out but my Mum had got back from shopping and she started smacking me because I made a really deep (I'm talking almost 6 foot) hole in the lawn and didn't find any gold. I did find some stones though and the bones of what I presume are an ancient cat from the dinosaur period.

I didn't give up there so I went round and inspected Mr Berkley’s mouth next door while he slept, he often leaves his house unlocked. I thought he might have some gold teeth like those people on TV. I was watching my favourite film the one which reminds me of me, Home Alone, and saw the bad man had a gold tooth. He looks a lot like Mr Berkley so that is why I checked his mouth. He also thinks it was my fault his cat died, it wasn’t, I clearly wrote signs around my home made mine that said "HOME MADE MINE FOR CATCHING BADDIES". It was Milky’s own fault for ignoring the signs and going on the mine to eat the roast ham I put on it. It’s science.

Mr. Berkleys mouth didn’t have any gold in it and he also bit me and then laughed. Mr Berkley is quite mean to me, he never gives me my balls back because he says I try to kick them into his garden. I really don't, I was trying to smash his window but I keep missing. I happened to come across an old map in Mr. Berkley’s kitchen which shows where I pressume gold is. It seems to be from a man named Collin, it says on the front "Collins British Atlas, 1989" Atlas as we all know is that place of the ancients, an old land which is meant to be under the sea. However, upon scanning this map it seems Atlas is actually Britain. Isn’t that a turn out for the books?

I got my camping gear ready, in a non-gay way, and set out into the woods to try and find the gold which is on Collins map, I hoped the badgers wouldn't eat me like they did my guinea pig, Snuggles. Well I set up camp in the woods, it got really cold though and I couldn't dig for too long. I had my cardigan on my Mum got me for Christmas but I was still shivering, and lonely.