I went to Lapland at Christmas time in 2007. I had a lot of burning questions I wanted Santa to answer. How do his reindeer fly? Why didn’t he get me more presents the year previous and where do girls pee from if they have no willy? I got to meet a load of reindeer and even road on Prancer, in a non-gay way. It was a lot of fun and when I met Santa he told me I was close to being on the naughty list but because I am honest he respects me because I am a real man.

Yours in manliness,
Fantana