Exctract from Grabbing America by the BALLS, in a non-gay way.
Act Four - Miami

Whilst in Miami, Jowanza Jeffreys, the reincarnation of Jesus, got very drunk and Fantana was left with the job of looking at him and making sure he didn't snuff it.

SUNSHINE GO AWAY TODAY

It was the early hours of the morning when Jowanza finally decided he was tired and dizzy and wanted to get back to the hotel. We said goodbye to the people we were dancing with and off we went as we made our way through the packed streets of South Beach. On the street opposite the hotel was a woman who wasn’t wearing too much and was walking up and down the street. Jowanza stopped to throw up and then I watched as she got to the end of the street, stopped, then started walking towards us. “She’s a prostitute dawg.” We crossed the road and a dark car pulled up next to her and within about ten seconds she got in the car and it sped off. “And you’re outta here!” Jowanza yelled at the car as it disappeared down the street. He giggled and we went into the hotel. We waited for the elevator which earlier Jowanza had shown me the right button to press, but it was still slow. It took ages to get down and I was really tired.

We got back into the hotel room and Jowanza didn’t even try to get changed, he just curled up in his bed. I put on my skippies and turned the lights off. “Oh man, I don’t want to go back yet, it’s not time dawg.” Jowanza was slipping into a deep sleep. “Whatever happens man, don’t let me choke on my own puke, that is no way for the Reincarntion of Jesus to go out.” And then he was asleep, just like that. There was no bowl for me to put near his bed in case he was sick, there was nothing except his suitcase which I could find which would do the job. I emptied his clothes out of the suitcase and put them on the dresser, I then put the suitcase next to his bed. “Better you than me, buddy” I said quietly as he slept, “Better you than me.”

It was Jowanza who woke up first and he went noisily to the bathroom to mark his territory. In my dream I was standing near a beautiful waterfall and then suddenly the ogre from Toys R Us in New York jumped out off the bushes growling. That’s what woke me up, the growling wasn’t from some ogre, it was Jowanza feeling the effects of drinking too much the night before, again. When he came out of the bathroom he looked at me and started laughing “Oh my God! I haven’t pissed that much in my whole life!” He looked spry for someone who thought they might pass away in the night. “Dude, why was my suitcase next to my bed with no clothes in it?” He picked up his suitcase and inspected it closely as if he were looking for some clues as to why it was placed next to his bed. “I put it there in case you were sick.”

He stopped and dropped the suitcase on the floor. “Dawg, that is so not cool. Why didn’t you use your suitcase?” He was deadly serious. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you would do me like that, dawg!” He was really annoyed and acting like a spoilt child. “I was so drunk I didn’t know what was going on and you put my suitcase there for me to be sick in instead of yours.” He sighed and shook his head while looking me right in the eye. “Will you listen to yourself? It was your choice to get that drunk, you have to put up with the consequences. I can’t even be bothered to argue my case, no pun intended.” I got out of bed and went to mark my territory.

Grabbing America by the BALLS, in a non-gay way
A true tale of a Heavily Muscled Hero Type Guy
ISBN - 978-0-9558869-0-4

The best selling satrical humour book
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